I’ll probably cover 120 or so games this season. But I also plan on attending at least four or five as fan. It’s fun to watch a game and not have to worry about coming up with a story afterward.
There are few things better than watching a game in person with your buddies. But every ballpark does have a few people who detract from the experience. Here are my top 10 least favorite people at the ballpark:
1. People who bring their vanity license plates to games and wave them around. We’re all quite impressed, “Yanks4Eva” and “GoYankz”
2. Drunks. Why would you spent so much money on tickets, gas and parking and then crush so many $8.50 beers that you can’t remember half of what happened the next day? It makes no sense. Meanwhile, they’re loud, obnoxious and usually fans of the other team.
3. Know-it-alls. Nothing worse than sitting next to the guy who knows somebody who knows Cashman’s dry cleaner and he knows for sure the Yankees are getting Albert Pujols.
4. People who keep getting up. Over nine innings, you should get up once, twice if you’re female. Go to the bathroom, get something to eat then sit back down and don’t get up again until the game is over. Stop making people in your row get up.
5. People waving signs trying to get on ESPN or Fox. This isn’t a game show. Sit down.
6. There are two categories of cell-phone users who need savage beatings. First is the guy who has a friend in the crowd eight sections over and calls him so they can wave at each other. Your friend knows what you look like, bozo.
Then there are the people who sit in box seats and call their friends watching at home and wave every time the camera catches them in the background. Teams should employ snipers to wound these people.
7. People who swear at the players. How badly has your life gone that you feel compelled to come to the park and yell obscene words at somebody playing baseball? Trust me, when the player goes back to his huge house and his insanely hot wife that night, you calling him names doesn’t make him feel bad.
8. People trying to start The Wave. The Wave is a plague on sports. It’s 50,000 people saying, “Look at us, we’re all mindless and we don’t care about the game.” Thankfully Yankee Stadium is largely Waveless.
9. Trampy girls at batting practice. This always brings a smile. No matter what stadium you’re in, you see scantily clad women in stripper heels posing near the dugout trying to catch the attention of the players. This strategy may work in the minors. But do you really think Jeter is going to look up and say, “Hey, purple halter, Room 812 at the Westin tonight.”
10. Adult autograph seekers. I think players should be contractually mandated to sign 10 autographs every day for kids. But once you’re 18, give it up. Let the kids through. I’m always disgusted at the get-a-lifers who jockey for position with children.
Is there anybody I’m missing?