Here we are at LaGuardia Airport, America’s largest bus station.
Because I am a loyal employee, I am going to Kansas City via Dallas on American Airlines rather than taking the more expensive direct flight on Midwest. Attention editors, I would like this noted in my file.
There’s a sign in the security area here that says, “Due to enhanced security measures, the following items are not allowed on flights: cutting instruments, gasoline, fireworks, explosives, firearms and abrasive chemicals.”
Were these items allowed before “enhanced security measures”? I don’t recall being able to bring knives, gas, bottle rockets, guns and acid on flights when my parents took me to Disney World. Then again, Mom always overpacked.
I also enjoy the sign that says, “The Secretary of Transportation has determined that the following airports do not employ adequate security measures: Murtala Muhammed International Airport, Lagos, Nigeria.”
Are there people in line headed for Lagos who see that sign and think twice? If you’re going to Lagos, you probably have more important things to worry about.
Anyway, they’re calling the flight. If I see Jessica Simpson at DFW, I’ll tell her to start dating Jonathan Papelbon. Well, I’ll take a cell phone photo first then tell her to start dating Papelbon.