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Pinch hitting: Respect Jeter’s Gangster

Posted By Peter Abraham On January 2, 2009 @ 12:06 am In Misc | 122 Comments

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January is traditionally a slow month for baseball news. So for the second year in a row, we will showcase other blogs with a series of pinch hitters.

Next up are the guys from Respect Jeter’s Gangster. [2]

According to them, “the blog started last January at the behest of fans, columnists, sportswriters, Oprah’s book club, ballplayers, Senator Mitchell, and the Nobel Committee for Literature. Everyone was clamoring for someone to fill the void of Yankees blogs relating to the respect of Jeter’s gangster. None existed, until the courage of Fernando Alejandro, Roberto Alejandro, and Deron Peter forced them to act against the injustice. Besides being a Yankees blog, our investigative reporting team has time and again broken the stories that the papers missed. These include Joba Chamberlain’s fist pumping scandal, Brian Cashman’s insensitive means of demoting his players, and many others. If you would like to read these stories, please stop by our site.

Here’s their post:

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Kei Igawa Uses Leverage to Undo Cameron Trade

A number of weeks ago many people thought that the Melky Cabrera and Mike Cameron deal was going through. It was then reported that the Yankees were including Kei Igawa in the deal, and that it was now a matter of how much money the Brewers were willing to take on. Then, the trade talks seemed to fall apart completely. Some speculate that Melky Cabrera’s hot start in the Dominican winter league was the cause of the apparent break down in interest from the Yankees, but the Respect Jeter’s Gangster investigative team found another reason.

“I’ve never folded under pressure,” said Yankees co-chairperson Hank Steinbrenner. “But this was something different.”

Steinbrenner, who has looked to trade Igawa since his troubled beginning, found himself unable to make the trade because of the unusual leverage Igawa had over him.

“I got home one day,” Hank said, “and I was going through my mail and I found a letter without a return address. I opened it up, and all it said was ‘If you trade me, I will punch your horse.’ It included a picture of my prize horse Tornado Thunder and a masked person wearing a boxing glove. I couldn’t tell it was Kei Igawa, but I suspected it was him.”

As trade talks with Milwaukee intensified, so did the letters.

“The next one I got pretty much said the same thing,” Hank said. “That if I traded him he would punch my horse, but this time he specified ‘in the face.’ I have to admit I started sweating a little. Included in the envelope was a strand of what appeared to be a lock of Tornado Thunder’s hair. I had the letter tested for DNA and it came up positive for Tornado Thunder and Barry Bonds. I didn’t know what to make of that.”

Authorities first thought that the finding of Bonds DNA was evidence that Bonds was behind the letter. However, a later letter erased that theory.

“The last letter I got had a picture of my horse again with a black eye colored in with a pen. It was so realistic. He used purple and black ink to really bring out the deepness of the bruise,” Steinbrenner said. “He even drew horns on my horse, like it was evil. The letter said, ‘If you trade me, your horse will be possessed by a demon.’ Sincerely, Kei Igawa. P.S., I’m still going to punch it in the face.’ It had Igawa’s fingerprint on the picture, and he included a newspaper cutout of Alex Rodriguez with drawn on sunglasses and a pipe in his mouth. It didn’t make any sense. Then we did a second DNA test, and got matches for Lonn Trost, our finance guy. I’m not sure how he gets all this DNA.”

Once this picture arrived, Hank decided to pull the plug.

“I could barely deal with my horse getting punched in the eye, never min demonic possession,” Hank paused, fighting back his emotions. “I saw Emily Rose. Enough said.”

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Thanks to Fernando, Roberto and Deron. They’ve been supporters of this blog for a long time and I appreciate it. Coming tomorrow: This Purist Bleeds Pinstripes.

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[2] Respect Jeter’s Gangster.: http://respectjetersgangster.blogspot.com